hauntedblograffiti

I had a very stressful time the other day because pug got out and got picked up by animal control (I will not point fingers at where the fault lies for this, but it isn’t mine). I was not doing okay that night, suffice to say. It’s fortunate nothing bad happened to him, at least.

Speaking of the old fella, I got a nice comfy dog bed for him but the little jerk just refuses to lay on it. Why is he so stubborn someone please explain.

Obtained a couple of sketchbooks, some colored pencils, and more off-brand alcohol markers than I feasibly know what to do with (I don’t think the sketchbook paper will hold up to those, oops). I miss when I had a passion for drawing; I used to do it so much when I was younger. There was a point where I was slapping out things no less than weekly, and now every time I try to do anything it just makes me sad and frustrated. The inspiration feels like it left me at some point, and I’m not really quite sure how to get it back. Placing the blame solely on my brain doing a big fucky-wucky for the last decade is a nice cope to excuse it, but that’s probably only half of the reason why I don’t draw much anymore. Regardless, I need to sit down and tear open the plastic wrap on one of these sketchbooks and just go to town on the first page. What’s the worst that’ll happen, I ruin some art? I ruin everything that comes into my vicinity, what’s some sheets of paper in the grand scheme of things?

I think getting into drawing again will also help me just… stop being so in my head. Feels kind of like I’ve no real emotional outlet these days, and something more productive than some video games to keep the intrusive thoughts at bay would be nice (written like I don’t have a Scrivener doc up with about 30 folders of unfinished things I’ve not found the words to finish off). My Bad Thoughts™ have been particularly awful lately, and I’ve had more days than not lately where I’ve started spiraling something terrible. I’m hoping this helps, even just a little.

Y’all. I got a massive wall tapestry with the most blown-up, ridiculously low-quality image from a Yamamoto Takato work and it’s so bad when you’re anything less than 4 feet from it, but by George I’m going to clear a space on the wall above my bed to hang that baby up. The corner where my bed is tucked in has the walls covered in framed prints and posters at this point; I spent about half an hour tonight moving the Mario posters and redoing my strip light setup to clear some space, but now I’ve gotta figure out where to slap the Hoji frogs. May or may not need to find a stepstool to access some of the higher blank areas on my walls for them. I am overall happy with how much I’ve overhauled my room space in the last year, though; it feels a bit more ‘me’ than it used to and that’s a big step for me (trauma from my teen years and never having a guaranteed place to stay haunts me, I guess).

Anyway. Why did no one inform me a trailer for the Mononoke movie dropped? It’ll take some time to adjust to having a new seiyuu for Kusuriuri and him having a fresh design, but the original anime is still there for me to watch whenever I’m feeling up to it. (I did a rewatch when I was delirious with COVID back in March but I’m itching for another where I don’t have COVID-brain fuzzing up everything.) I actually really dig the new look for Kusuriuri because it’s so colorful (even a little unhinged) compared to the previous muted look (which I still love), but it does kind of lessen the slightly uncanny feeling the character originally had by being so outright bizarre in comparison to the other characters I can see in the trailer.

Lately, I’ve had Wolf Parade’s I’ll Believe in Anything on my mind a lot. It’s so old at this point and has been with me through almost a majority of my life at this point (2008 was almost 20 years ago, and I’m not coping well with this knowledge). I wasn’t in a good place (physically, mentally, emotionally, what have you-ly) the first time I heard it way back then, and I’m really not in much better of one these days, but I’m still here and that has to mean something in the grand scheme of things. ‘Nobody knows you and nobody gives a damn’ used to hurt me a lot, but over the years I’ve come to view it as something liberating.

y’know, I’ve gotten ahold of two mini ‘personal air conditioners’ which are essentially tiny swamp coolers and I gotta say, they suck (but then again I’ve never met a swamp cooler that actually worked, so I may be biased). at least the second one I got lets me add ice into the water tank 😞 one day I’ll find one that works for me, but hopefully one of these (both?) will work to keep me cool when the heat really hits next month.

have you ever drowned in notebooks? I think that may be my fate. a couple of my buddies have joked about the amount I have after the catastrophic (and hilarious) notebook tower we used for something, but dear god. I keep getting more, and someone needs to slap my hand and stop me. (my most recent get was some Spy x Family branded Kokuyo Campus ones, not that I’ve ever read/seen the series or anything because I haven’t watched anything from post-2013, it feels like.)

I’ve been watching niece during the days since it’s summer vacation for The Youth™, but lately at night I’ll open my bedroom door and she’s just. there. in the hallway. it’s like 10:30 in the evening child, why are you up? “I’m not tired.” so then she follows me into the kitchen and just sits herself on one of the counters while I’m out there doing dishes or filling my water bottle, chatting all the while about what she wants to do the next day. tonight I let her take my weighted pug plushie into her room as a bribe to get her to lay down and try to sleep instead of sitting there grilling me about what we’ll bake tomorrow 😭kids absolutely slay me and I’ll have to go through this again (with twins!) after my sister gives birth.

(if, 10 years ago, you’d asked me if I’d be taking care of kids—and not ones of my own—I’d have probably laughed at you because lolkids, but honestly this is one of the few things I can say I’m comfortable doing in life.)