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maybe we can meet again further down the river

Today my dear pug Hamlet crossed the rainbow bridge. My heart is aching, and I don’t feel like the small place he nestled within it will ever be filled again. My sister and I were talking before, when my dad passed away, about how he was always saying he’d be so sad when pug died. But funny enough, he went before Hamlet did—and now, just under a year later, my sweet boy has followed.

He lived a life full of love and with many treats. He was 14 and a half years old. He was so, so loved. Everyone was crying today. My sister was in the room with him when they gave him the injections because I would’ve completely broke if I was there, and I am forever grateful she took on that burden in my stead. We don’t get along much, but she’s the last thing I have left in life. She’s my rock, and I don’t think I’ll ever express how much I appreciate her even if we both piss each other off endlessly sometimes.

She said she kept telling him he was a good boy, the best little boy, and that he needed to send all of our love to our dad and our mom for us. If there is an afterlife, I hope they are all reunited and healthy, able to be together. I don’t know if I’ll ever believe in anything like that, but heavens, it’s a nice thought, and I would love if one day we could meet again. I hope you have all your teeth back wherever you are pug, and that you can munch on apples like you did when you were younger. I hope dad can give you endless treats and cuddles and that you can fall asleep squished against him again. I hope everything is perfect for all of you.

I think in the end I am just so tired of losing. I will always love my sweet, stinky old man of a pug. I will always miss him as I do everything and everyone else I’ve lost. I hugged him so much when my dad passed away, and now all I have is some weighted pug plushie to hold and comfort me.

Loss is a part of life, I know, but I just want to know some blissful ignorance for a bit. It gets old, going through the grieving process over and over again, and I am so exhausted from crying my eyes out so much.

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